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A day in the life of Osama bin Laden (2119 views)


David Letterman presented an hour-by-hour account of a day in the life of Osama bin Laden:

7:00 am: "He wakes up and asks his assistant, 'Am I still alive?'"

8:00 am: "Has a nutritious breakfast of sand and dirt."

10:30 am: "He takes his camel in for a tune-up at Mazar-e-Sharif Amoco."

11:30 am: "Has trouble opening a jar of peanut butter; declares jihad against Skippy."

1:00 pm: "Tae-Bo."

1:30 pm: "Records a video demanding America surrender or else he'll make another video demanding America surrender."

2:30 pm: "He's a celebrity judge at a wet burqa contest."

3:00 pm: "Picks Mullah Omar's name in this year's Secret Santa drawing."

4:00 pm: "Turns on CNN to closely study the moves of his opponents. Gets bored, switches to Oprah."

5:00 pm: "Gets scolded for not taking out the trash by wives 3, 8, and 16."

9:00 pm: "Plots strategy for upcoming week: cower underground like a spooked rat."

12:00 am: "Kiss family goodnight. Kiss ass goodbye"

 

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