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Divorce Letters (2177 views)
Dear Wife,
Iím writing you this letter to tell you that Iím leaving you forever. Iíve been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didnít even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You donít tell me you love me anymore; you donít want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either youíre cheating on me or you donít love me any more; whatever the case, Iím gone.

Your Ex-Husband

PS. Donít try to find me. Your sister & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itís true you & I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what youíve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesnít work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'

Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canít say something nice, I didnít comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the Lotto for $10 million, I quit my job & bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonít get a dime from me. So take care.

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

PS. I donít know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatís not a problem.

 

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